Goddess of the Universe

From: Laticia
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Heather
Subject:

Hi. I love you and have not been ignoring you. My personal cell went dead, I have been in Tahoe. I worked 24/7 no downtime. I am back in the office today, but I have a boatload to catch up with. I LOVE YOU!

Laticia
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From: Heather
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Laticia
Subject: RE:

I am sorry who are you? Who is the person professing their love for me?
I have been married and divorced since we talked. I then served as the goddess of a tribal colony in the middle of Uganda. After that I took some time to travel and saw the world’s largest ball of twine. I gave birth to twins who now play 1st and 2nd baseball for the St. Louis Cardinals. I am considering accepting a position as Goddess of the Universe but the hours are not that great. How about you?

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From: Laticia
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Heather
Subject: RE:

Literally like peeing my pants right now. That was some witty shit.

Laticia
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From: Heather
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Laticia
Subject: RE:

No snorting
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From: Laticia
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Heather
Subject: RE:

You are like so funny. That sounds like shit I would make up.

I think despite the hours, Goddess of the Universe might be a pretty good gig. What the 401K like?

Laticia
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From: Heather
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Laticia
Subject: RE:

Well not bad but the health plan is not so great.
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From: Laticia
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Heather
Subject: RE:

Do you get Holidays and flex Fridays? I mean really, it might be worth it.

Laticia
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From: Heather
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Laticia
Subject: RE:

I get five weeks paid vacation, but you have to work on Christmas because apparently Jesus has it off because it is his birthday. It is so not fair.
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From: Laticia
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Heather
Subject: RE:

Jesus is always playing that son of god card. Lame.

Laticia
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From: Heather
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Laticia
Subject: RE:

I bet he is going to want Easter off as well.
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From: Laticia
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Heather
Subject: RE:

Really…..I once picked up a bookshelf that had fallen on someone with my pinkie, yet I do not insist on celebrating that every year. This whole, “rising from the dead” thing is getting a wee bit old. You know, on second thought, if you are going to have to work with that prima donna, I would pass on the job. Don’t the twins make good money as ball players? Can’t they take care of you?

Laticia
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From: Heather
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Laticia
Subject: RE:

I mean I had the boys via Immaculate Conception so you think I would get more respect from JC but NOOO. I am an independent woman I don’t want my boys to feel they have to take care of me.
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From: Laticia
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2007
To: Heather
Subject: RE:

True that. But their Auntie may have to remind them all you sacrificed so they could be born free of original sin. Dammit. That is Jesus isn’t it?

Laticia